Tuesday, May 16, 2017

The Secret to a *Really* Clean House NO ONE TOLD ME!!!!!!!!!


I used to think I was a clean and tidy person. Then I had children, and… not so much. I struggled to keep up with the basics of dishes and laundry, let alone the deep cleaning that I knew needed to be done. New checklists and routines only worked for a few days, till this weekend! Now I have truly discovered the secret to getting a deep cleaned home, that is guaranteed to stick!! And I’m here to share it with you! Scroll down to discover this AMAZING secret for yourself!!!!!

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The secret to a really clean home is… CATCH A DISEASE!!!!! (Or bug, virus, parasite, etc)
Yes, it really IS that simple!

Here’s how it works:
(Certain names and details may have been change to protect involved parties.)

  1. Discover you have said disease/bug/etc in your home.
  2. Call doctor and obtain necessary medication; meanwhile, send hubby to the store for antibacterial spray and wipes.
  3. Wash your hands, and scrub counters/sinks/obvious germ culprits.
  4. Go online to WebMD and read about the life span, life cycle, egg laying, and propagation of said infection.
  5. Immediately take shower, bathe children, wash all sheets, towels, and your entire wardrobe, just in case you touched it trying to decide what to wear that morning.
  6. Dust whole house and vacuum the floors.
  7. Chat with your neighbour and swap medical horror stories.
  8. Return home to wash down all your walls, steam clean all the floors, and bleach the bathroom, all of it, top to bottom.
  9. Take another shower.
  10. Fight children into another bath.
  11. Google natural organic remedies you may not have considered, in case the medicine doesn’t work, and implement as needed.
  12. Call the doctor regarding his preferred anti-anxiety medications.
  13. Sit down and enjoy your CLEAN, GERM-FREE home!!!!
  14. Recheck WebMD, in case there was anything you missed. Reread about the spread of said disease, & remember that you have to go outside tomorrow.
  15. Repeat.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! It’s THAT easy! From now on, you have a spotless, REALLY clean home (and certified paranoia)!